Bad mom March 25, 2010

So I’m a bad mom. Well, I’m not exactly a bad mom but I have moments where I do bad things as a mom. That sounds a little nicer. Today I did a bad thing.

I left Jack at home for about 5 minutes while I ran pictures to someone’s house. That’s not the bad thing. He’s almost 8 and I think he can be at home alone for VERY brief amounts of time periodically. Before I left I told him not to let anybody in and I locked the door. When I got home I unlocked the door and tossed my keys on the table. And…here comes the bad mom part. I don’t know why or what possessed me to do such a thing but I said “Hello?” in a deep manish kind of voice. He was in our room so he couldn’t see me but I thought he would know it was me. He’s heard me say and do enough weird things in his life that it really didn’t cross my mind that he wouldn’t know it was me.

Well, I walked into the room where he was and he was sitting there PETRIFIED with tears in his eyes. He thought some strange man came into the house. He was scared to death. I felt so horrible!! I knelt next to him and hugged him and rocked him and said I was sorry over and over again. We were both almost crying. It was terrible. Poor sweet baby.

If my kids don’t learn anything else from me, they will at least learn to say they’re sorry. But I really hope they learn more from me than just that. Ughh…there are so many times that I wish I could have a do-over.

And I tell myself this daily… they will survive my inadequacies… they will survive my inadequacies… they will survive.

Hot Pink Milk March 20, 2010

Every morning when Mikey wakes up he wants hot pink (strawberry) milk. He used to just drink warm milk in the mornings until he discovered we had strawberry powder. So every morning we heat up his milk in the microwave, make it pink, and give it to him. He holds the cup in both hands to see if it’s hot enough before he takes a sip. Then he either begins to drink it or gives it back to us and says “More hot.” And because we’re complete schmucks, we usually do what he asks.

This morning I gave him his milk and he held it and even took a sip before he said “More hot.” I told him it was fine and to just drink it and then I went into my office for about 10 minutes. When I went back into the living room he held out his full cup that he had just been holding and said “More hot.” So I groaned and stuck it back in the microwave for 9 seconds and he drank it up.

Then he asked for more hot pink milk so I fixed him another cup, this time making darn sure it was hot enough the first time. I gave it to him and he said “Make it cold.” I rolled my eyes and walked away and came in here to type this. I wonder if he drank it or if he’s going to give it back to me and insist that I make it cold.

I am now hearing him playing a game on my iphone, which means that he found it, turned it on, swiped a couple of screens, and chose the game that he likes. He did drink the second cup of hot pink milk by the way.

Chasing daylight March 18, 2010

We went out this evening just before dark to play. We went to a large grassy area in town so the boys could just run for a little while. I made them sit for a few pictures. They sat facing the direction of the setting sun.

And then I chased what was left of the daylight to a different spot where I thought I might be able to get this.

And then the daylight was gone so we went home.

Children’s Museum March 16, 2010

This morning we carb loaded at Donut Haven and then headed to the Children’s Museum in Houston. We got there about 15 minutes after they opened. It wasn’t too terribly crowded at first but it very quickly got crazy crowded. For the most part we had a good time and we didn’t lose either of our children for very long.

Mikey learned to eat with chopsticks. Sort of.

Phillip is weird.

I am not.

Promise.

Mikey talked on the phone. I think he was trying to call Andrea to ask for tips on using chopsticks but I can’t be sure about that.

The boys played in the water and got pretty wet while Phillip and I tried our best to stay under the umbrellas. Mikey almost dove into this thing to grab a boat. I ran and barely grabbed the back of his pants in time. Other mothers were much closer than me and it didn’t occur to them to stop him. Doesn’t it take a village, people?? Come on! Anyway…

And then we ate at Chuy’s where Jack read a book the whole time,

Phillip continued to be weird,

and Mikey got in trouble and begged for his Granddad to help him. I didn’t get a picture of that because I was too busy being scary.

Phillip. March 16, 2010

A Journey March 13, 2010

So you may remember this post.

My mom got a call yesterday morning that we needed to see her doctor to review her MRI results. The doctors believe, based on several factors, that the mass in my mom’s liver is hepatocellular carcinoma, which is cancer. Which means that it’s not what we were hoping for. She will have more tests and scans in the next few weeks to see if it has metastasized to anywhere else in her body. The doctor told us that this was the beginning of a journey. That makes it sound nicer than it is. Please please be in prayer for my mom. This is just not something that we even feel we can accept right now.

When I was 11 our house burned down. My mom went back over to the house a few days later to sort through stuff and see if anything could be salvaged. There wasn’t much that could be. But when she went to the side of the house to go to the backyard she saw a page from an old Baptist hymnal laying there in front of the gate. The edges were burned. This is the hymn that she found. She memorized it and yesterday on the way home she quoted it to me.

I KNOW WHO HOLDS TOMORROW

I don’t know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from its sunshine,
For its skies may turn to gray.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

I don’t worry o’er the future
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

Ev’ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev’ry burden’s getting lighter;
Ev’ry cloud is silver lined.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

I don’t know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One who stands by me.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I’m covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

So there you have it. This isn’t the news I was hoping to deliver at all. But like the doc said, this is a journey and like the song says, we know who holds our hands. Mom, I love you so very much. And I’m walking this thing with you.

Recent adventures March 11, 2010

On Sunday we helped a lot of other people from our church spruce up the town. Our small group helped by mulching a local park. Jackson was the appointed picture taker. Sorry Randy Dane. I can’t be responsible for the pictures that Jackson took. His only real orders were not to take any pictures of anybody’s butts. I also took a lot more with my camera. Here are a couple of Jackson working. He was the whiniest and laziest worker we had out there. But he’s seven. What do you expect?

Yesterday I took the boys to the local museum over by the college. They sported their new Alvin & the Chipmunks caps that Nana bought them. And I sported messy hair and no makeup because I was kind of anticipating not encountering any people. When we were about to walk into the lobby I saw lots of older ladies in there. I told the boys there were lots of oldER people so they needed to behave and keep their voices down. Then Mikey proceeded to say “Old people! Old people!” over and over again. We had to stay outside long enough for him to get that out of his system before I could take them inside. So then we got to the museum and there was a school group of 3rd graders there. GREAT! We stuck it out for a little while but after they left, all those old ladies came in for some meeting. We were told we could stay but it would probably be better if we didn’t. On our way out wading through the sea of old ladies, one of the museum workers asked if I would please sign her guest book. I said, “I don’t think so.” Wonder how many times she’s gotten that response.

Then, since the museum was such a flop, we decided to go to the Sea Center where we saw a fish that I’m pretty sure was dead and a turtle taking advantage of another turtle. We had a much better time there. How do you like Jackson’s camo on camo attire? And Mikey was dressed like a rock star. Me? I still looked homeless.

Still doing the eye rolling for fun.

Mikey pointing at “the chicken” in my camera.

But I like this one in b&w.

I have beautiful boys.

Just life in general March 9, 2010

My blogging is just not what it used to be, I’m afraid. It kind of seems like there’s just not much to write about lately. Not much has changed around here and that’s a pretty good thing. I certainly can’t complain…even though I do sometimes but that’s beside the point really.

Mikey’s hair is completely in his eyes again which is just part of the cycle that it takes before we finally get it cut. I think Friday is haircut day. I think he’s beautiful even if he looks somewhat unkempt at times. He doesn’t know the difference. Mikey had his three year check up last week and he weighs 42 pounds and is 41 inches tall….or I may have those reversed but regardless, he’s a big three year old. I still carry him around sometimes and will until I just can’t anymore since Phillip won’t let me get anymore babies.

Jackson still thinks he’s smarter than me and I’ve given up trying to prove otherwise. I ask him lots of stupid questions to help him think that I’m even dumber than I am. I think maybe it will help me in the long run if he thinks he’s smarter than me. I know the truth. I think it gives me the upper hand. This all sounds really ridiculous now that I’m reading it. Anyway…

We looked at houses again a few days ago. We found one that we think might be “the one” but who knows if it will still be around once our house sells. It’s a great house that has everything we need. It’s much more house than we have now but it’s manageable and very newly renovated. We wouldn’t have to do anything but move in and enjoy. Which reminds me, I need to get off my rear and get this house cleaned up.

I had to send my main camera off again about a week ago and I’m pretty ticked about that. The shutter was messing up on me. I just hope I get it back in the next few days. We’ve got two other cameras to use but I want that one. I’ve been getting a lot more wedding inquiries lately. And I’ve been getting a few bookings here and there. It would be so great if I were able to get about 10 or so weddings a year on average. So far for 2010, I’ve had two weddings and I’ve got two more booked and a couple more I’m hoping to get. So we’re getting there. It will just take time.

My mom should find out more about her MRI by the end of this week. Then I guess we’ll know what the next step is. The step right now is to wait and that step sucks.

Pray that it’s not that March 2, 2010

This post is the beginning of a storyline that I’m fully expecting will end in a post titled “Nope, it’s not that.” Because “that” is possibly the Big “C” word that I’m not even going to type right now. I’m not going to type it until or unless I have to and I don’t have to yet.

My mom (Marilyn) has a growth or possibly two in her liver that may or may not be “that.” And it seems that if doctors even mention that “C” word your world just slows down a bit, you stop and think, you worry more, you just generally get your feathers a bit ruffled. And right now our feathers are slightly ruffled….okay maybe more than slightly. She has already had an ultrasound and an MRI and based on those results she will have more testing.

And so that’s really all we know right now. My mom is a strong woman and has strong faith in God. And she (and I) believe wholeheartedly in the power of prayer. So please join me in praying for my mom. Please pray for healing, strength, peace, wisdom. Please pray in any way that you feel led to pray for her. But please pray for her.

My mom quite simply said that she just doesn’t have time for this. And I find that to be a rather amusing and positive way to look at it.