Jenny Hintze

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams." – Willy Wonka

Pregnancy dreams April 2, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 12:05 pm

I’m pretty sure this blog has taken the place of therapy and/or counseling over the years.  Readers, I hope you don’t mind.  That said….

 

I had another pregnancy dream last night.  I hate when I have those.  They don’t happen too terribly often, maybe once every couple months or so that I recall.  It’s like in the dream I just found out I’m pregnant again and I am flooded with all those same emotions I had back when I was.  The dreams seem so real and they are very upsetting to me.  It usually takes me a couple of days to kind of get it out of my mind.  

 

I also have dreams from time to time that we have a new baby.  Those dreams are sweet and soothing and maybe a little healing.  Sometimes it makes me feel like I get to hold Evan or one of the other babies in my dreams.  Cheesy, I know.  

 

Sorry, but this is therapeutic.

 

You would think that after 3 years or something like that since the last pregnancy, I would be “over” it.  And I think mostly I am, whatever that means.  But when I have these dreams and they are so emotional for me it makes me think that maybe I just buried all of it.  But you just have to do what you have to do to survive.  Even now, years later, I cry for those babies sometimes.  I think I will cry for those babies as long as I live.

 

Okay, I’ll get off your couch now.  Mail me a bill.

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9 Responses to “Pregnancy dreams”

  1. Andrea Says:

    I’m sorry you are hurting. I will always hurt with you. Hope your day gets better!

    • Dedee Says:

      I love you! There were times that I screamed at God for what he was allowing to happen, especially Evan…..I didn’t know what to say to you or Him….I still don’t understand, Mikey’s beautiful face helps, but…know that you are loved!

  2. Pennie Says:

    It’s been almost nine years since we lost MacKenzie and there are times when something will trigger emotions from that loss. I just long to see her and hold her. I will say an extra prayer for you today for God’s grace to help with what you are feeling. Take care of yourself today.

  3. Josh H Says:

    It’s not cheesy.

    That’ll be $75.

    • Josh H Says:

      Totally seriously, now:

      As the doting uncle, I have a perspective that is half objective, half-involved. From this position, it’s easy to say, “I really wish we’d gotten to know those dang kids and watch them grow up.” At the same time, my position gives me some maneuverability, and I can step back and say, “On the other hand, Mikey is an extraordinary kid.” The logical question is, “Would I trade?” I have to say no I wouldn’t, I don’t think any of us would. And you don’t have one without the other.

      Of course, as the uncle, Mikey’s not rubbing Boudreaux’s butt-paste all over MY walls…that might get in the way of objectivity.

  4. jhintze Says:

    I wrote this back in January.

    “….and as hard as the road was to get to him, I can honestly say that he is absolutely worth it. I would not change one single second of my life if it meant that he couldn’t be in it. I would go through it all again to get to be his mommy.”

    Mikey is exactly where he is supposed to be and I’m so glad he’s mine. And even though he’s a handful, he’s the perfect missing piece in our lives and we’re the perfect missing piece in his.

    Donald summed it up the best when he said, “That’s redemption.”

  5. Amanda Says:

    I don’t understand what you are going through, but I can imagine. Hugs! With all you have been through I know God had a plan and I think you have a special place for kids because of what you have been through and we wouldn’t have Mikey and Mikey is SOOOOO right where he’s suppose to be.

  6. Rachel Says:

    I won’t even go there (the dreams, that is); I can’t imagine the feelings. I cope with scrapbooking, you cope with blogging . . . whatever helps, right? Thank goodness for hobbies.


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