This special installment of Not Me! Monday is actually Not My Child! Monday. I’m super excited to be able to tattle on the kiddos instead of myself. My oh my, where do I even begin. And poor Mikey, he will probably be the culprit of most of these antics. Sorry sugar but revenge is sweet. I’ll throw some Jackson stuff in here too of course.
Mikey has NOT gotten into a horrible routine of freaking out at bedtime for at least half an hour, settling down to poop so I can change him so he can freak out for another 45 minutes or so. And by “freaking out” I don’t mean throwing everything he can get his hands on, guttural screaming from the pit of hell, kicking, and ramming the baby gate. Not my son! He’s pleasant and calm. He loves his bed and can’t wait to meet it at the end of the day!
Jackson NEVER aggravates Mikey’s fragile state by bringing out toys that Mikey can’t play with and dangling them in front of him like you might tease a cat with a string. Jackson doesn’t then act surprised and disappointed when Mikey lunges for the toy and either runs away with it or destroys it immediately. Jack doesn’t then say “What have I done?” in an overly dramatic, yet somewhat honest tone that makes me roll my eyes so far into the back of my head that they may as well just stay there. He doesn’t do this countless time a day! No way, not Jackson! He would never taunt his little brother like that.
When we went to Louisiana over the weekend, Mikey DID NOT stay awake the entire drive until 10 minutes before we reached the hotel. No way! He gave us lots of quiet time to talk and listen to music other than They Might Be Giants. While also in Louisiana, Jackson did not have to wear a belt that belonged to a much bigger boy because his genius of a mother forgot to pack his belt. Oh wait, this is about the kids not me.
Jackson also does not sit on the floor bored to death while everyone around him stands and sings and dances in his class at church. He loves to sing and dance in front of people and finds great joy in it. He did not get this lack of enthusiasm when it comes to corporate worship from his parents. We all sing, clap, raise our hands and whatnot in church. Promise.
Jackson also doesn’t make up jokes that make absolutely no sense such as….. “Why does Wolverine heal so quickly from injuries? Because his bones are made of HEALium” knowing full well that Wolverine’s bones are made of Ademantium. Duh! How could bones be made of helium? Silly child.
Jackson DID NOT laugh so hard yesterday at Mikey that he peed his pants. What was Mikey doing that was so funny? Well he certainly WAS NOT pointing at our dog’s “diddle” and making his sound for “gross” over and over again.
Mikey didn’t get great joy out of destroying the tent I made with a blanket in between the boys’ beds. He didn’t prefer to climb on top of the tent over and over instead of go inside of it which was its purpose. More importantly, I did NOT make the tent about 25 times so he could keep destroying it. Oh wait, I’m including myself again, dang it!
Mikey also didn’t beat me in a battle of wills yesterday while I tried unsuccessfully to make him poop in the potty.
Jackson is not addicted to video and computer games. And I didn’t call him out on this (me again!) and tell him that he likes playing video games more than spending time with his family. He didn’t try to convince me otherwise by drawing me a picture that represented his family on one side and video games on the other to show that he had allowed EQUAL parts of the paper for both. “See!” He says, “I love video games and my family the same!” That’s a relief.
Mikey also didn’t get a hold of a pencil last week and draw all over the walls in their room instead of going to sleep. And it’s not still there waiting to be cleaned up. Oh and while we’re on the subject, he also didn’t get his hands on a permanent black marker and draw all over the folding table in my office. He also was smart enough to NOT draw on Jackson’s back with the marker which led to his detainment and incarceration.
Other things Mikey never does:
– climbs on his dresser and jumps off onto his bed
– tries to escape out the front door if it’s not locked
– throws toys at Jack’s head
– tries to ride our dog (Scott) like he’s a horse
– runs like a wild man at the swimming pool in spite of being told hundreds of times to walk
Jackson doesn’t toot and then lie about it! He didn’t just toot and blame it on Phillip who is not even home!!!
Alright, well I have many other things to do today so I better call it quits on this post. I’m sure I’ve left off some really great stories that I just can’t thik of right now. But be assured there will be many more Not My Child! posts in the future.