There are days that I worry about Mikey. Well, not even days really, just bits during days. Today was one of those days. I took him to meet his preschool teacher this morning. And he basically had a major meltdown from the moment we walked in until I finally got him the heck out of Dodge. He kind of caught me off guard. I wasn’t anticipating him acting like that. There was another family there at the same time. Thankfully, they go to our church and know our kids so I wasn’t completely humiliated. Once we got in the truck to leave, Mikey screamed the whole way home. He continued to scream once we got home for another 15 minutes or so. I ended up gating him in his room until he was ready to settle down. Once he finally stopped, he was a bit hoarse for a while. His Occupational Therapist came this afternoon and we talked about all this stuff. She thinks that perhaps he can’t control these meltdown. I think that he’s manipulating me with them and has complete control of himself and the situation by melting down. Only time will tell.
On a more positive note however, Mikey’s preschool teacher is really going to extra mile to make him feel comfortable with school. We met back up at the school later today so he could have sort of another chance. And I think his second chance went great! And she goes to our church and will be subbing in his class this Sunday. She actually requested to sub in his class so she could spend some more time getting to know him. I’m in tears as I type this because I’m just so thankful that she didn’t just write him off. And based on his behavior this morning, I can’t say that I would have blamed her. More than anything else, I just want him to be loved. I think she will love him. I’ll update about that after his first day or two of school.
Most of the time, I think that all in all, Mikey is fine…..”normal”. But sometimes, besides the obvious speech issues, there are moments when I worry that there might be something more serious going on. And for about 2 hours today, that’s how I felt. I felt completely hopeless, alone, and like an utter failure. And the thing about feelings is that sometimes they’re accurate and sometimes they’re not. But when you’re feeling them, that’s your truth at that time.
But the real truth, no matter how I’m feeling, is that God gave him to us. He is meant to be ours. Exactly as he is. He is perfect for us. We are perfect for him. No matter what may or may not be going on with him. No matter what “diagnosis” he may or may not have down the road. No matter how well he adjusts to preschool. He is our son. And in my lowest of lows with him, which can get pretty dang low at times, I feel such a fierce love and devotion for him. I think too often I consider Jackson’s personality the norm and that makes Mikey seem all the more “abnormal.” But the truth is that Jackson’s not “normal” either.
So anyway, here are some recent pictures of the little worm.
Playing Connect Four. He learned very quickly to slide the thing on the bottom to either make the checkers stay or fall through the bottom.
We met some friends at the beach last week. Mikey piled lots of sand in this bucket. That kept him busy and out of the street for a while. In the second picture it kind of looks like he has a sand soul patch. I could have photoshopped it out. Oh well.
Mikey decided to play dress up on Monday. First he was Super Clown. He thought he was pretty cute if he does say so himself, which he didn’t btw.
See those pencil marks on the wall behind him? Bet you can’t guess how those got there. Isn’t that one of the biggest smiles you’ve ever seen? That’s because he was just about to climb onto the dresser and jump off, which he’s not allowed to do. And doing things he’s not allowed to do is the highlight of his day.
Then he was Batman. This Batman suit is for an 8 year old. He wore this suit the entire time his Speech Therapist was here on Monday. He could barely even use his hands or walk. Which actually made for a fairly productive session because he couldn’t run away.
And then later that day we tore up paper and glued it on another piece of paper. He made four pieces of “art” that I….. (gulp) threw away (gasp). Notice that he has only one sock on. He only wanted one sock on. This glue stick is no longer with us because later that day Mikey dug all of the glue out of it with his finger. He made sure to rub some of it in his hair before he got caught.
He is so precious. He really is.