Jenny Hintze

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams." – Willy Wonka

Whole August 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 11:35 pm
Tags: , , , ,

I’m up late tonight trying to finish up some editing on a NILMDTS session I had a couple of weeks ago. I have probably delayed finishing up these pictures longer than I could have, maybe longer than I should have. I’m still within the time frame I gave the mom but still I need to buckle down and get this done. But this is the hardest part of it. Being there with the baby was hard but I was behind my camera a good bit of the time. And I was in photographer mode most of the time. Getting the lighting right, positioning right, camera settings right.

But now I’m up working in photoshop of pictures of a baby girl who never drew breath. And it’s just not right. These photos aren’t right. They shouldn’t have to be. And as I work on making her little body look “right” as best I can, I know that she is already whole and perfect in her Father’s arms. What is taking me hours to try to fix is already fixed. She’s perfect. We don’t do this work for the babies. We do this work for ourselves and for the parents of these little ones. We do this work to try to mend as best we can our own broken hearts and hopefully the parent’s broken hearts too. And someday when we meet up with them again, we’ll all be whole together.

As I was packing up my equipment to leave this session, the baby’s sweet mommy let her guard for a moment. She talked to her daughter as a mother should talk to a new baby and she showed her a teddy bear. She danced the bear briefly in front of her baby’s face. I can’t get that moment out of my mind. As difficult as it was to photograph the baby and now edit the pictures, that moment just breaks my heart.

This world is very broken. And sometimes I just long for Heaven. I really do.


7 Responses to “Whole”

  1. Andrea Says:

    I would venture to say that not many will comment on this one. Many of us just can’t imagine.

    I’m blessed by you and all of the NILMDTS photographers. What an incredibly generous thing to do with your time, your skill and most importantly your heart.

    I am always proud to be your friend but times like these take it over the top.

    I know you don’t do this for any gain or blessing but I pray you will be blessed and comforted always.

  2. Aunt Gale Says:

    I think this work of love you do just shows your capacity to love. Not everyone could do this kind of work, Jenny. I couldn’t. Only someone who has experienced that kind of pain could ever understand what you are trying to capture on film. What you are doing is so important, both to you and to your special clients. I hope in some way that it helps you in your own healing process. You are an incredible photographer, mainly because of your empathy for your clients.

  3. Debbie Says:

    You make me proud, Jenny. What a blessing you are to these families who won’t have the moments with their children that the rest of us have. I know it’s hard for you and that makes it all the more special.

  4. Amanda Says:

    You said it best. It isn’t right, but the gift and empathy you give is something they will always hold onto. I know you do more for these people than just take pictures of something they will always treasure. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again. You can do more than I ever could. What a gift to give someone.

  5. Karen Says:

    I just found your blog by reading MckMama’s “Not My Child” and then read your latest post – and had to comment. My daughter had a stillborn at 26 weeks in 2007- and we didn’t know about NILMDTS at that time – but the hospital did take a few pictures – but they didn’t do a good job at all – not experienced in that type of thing – my daughter was soo scared, she held her daughter, and I held her daughter, but she was soooo afraid to look at her – but of course as soon as she was home she regretted it so much – then the hospital pictures came – and they were not very good at all – we sent them to an organization – which I wish I could remember the name – and they “fixed” our little Angel the best that they could with what they had to work with – and the result is a picture that we are able to display – There will be a special place in Heaven for people like you who are able to give the gift that you give these parents – I commend you so much for what you are able to do – and I’m sure it is very difficult – just know as a grandparent of an Angel baby – it is more than worth it!

  6. Mom Says:

    What a wonderful volunteer program this is, and only photographers like you who are called by The Lord to do this could possibly do it. My heart is full.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s