Jenny Hintze

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams." – Willy Wonka

Not Me! Monday September 28, 2009

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Is is Monday, or what?!
NotMeMondayButtonV6copyThis blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


Oh good grief!!! I DID NOT just have to crawl in one of our windows in the pouring down rain with my children standing shoeless on the front porch because I had the bright idea to go watch the rain for 2 minutes and locked ourselves out of the house!!!!!!!!!!


I also did not go the entire day on Thursday without a bra…in public…the whole day. No bra. Preschool, Hope Fellowship for Jack’s classes, In-law’s? (sorry folks), Mall….Nope, not me!! (BTW, you can get away with that when you have the “curves” of a 12 year old.)


And I didn’t shrink that new purple shirt I just bought and wore one whole time for our pictures….You know this shirt?!


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Yeah, well, I didn’t forget to lay it flat to dry instead of sticking it in the dryer. It would now fit a 12 year old. So it still kind of fits me too. (see above)


I also didn’t have to use children’s shampoo today because I ran out of mine. I think children’s shampoo can adequately take care of dirt and food but not oily build up.


I also didn’t STOOPIDLY pick a food battle with Mikey on Saturday, which led to at least 45 minutes of screaming and fit throwing. I know better than to pick food battles. You can’t win those!! You can’t make somebody eat. I know that.

 

A Bereaved Parent’s Wish List September 27, 2009

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I did not write this. This was on a blog that I read. I thought it was worth sharing. When we lost Evan and the other babies, there were many people who just didn’t know what to do or say or how to act. I understand. I didn’t know before that either. There were people who hurt me because they did or said the “wrong” thing. Or worse, they didn’t say or do anything at all. They didn’t mean to hurt me but it’s hard to get over that kind of thing. Phillip and I were transformed over that 2 years. We came out of that time different people than we were going into it. I hope that no one you love ever loses a child. But if they do, this might give you a little insight into how they feel and ways that you can be a good friend for them.


A Bereaved Parent’s Wish List


I wish my child hadn’t died. I wish I had him back.


I wish you wouldn’t be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you as well.


If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me. My child’s death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.


I wish you wouldn’t “kill” my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.


Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me. I need you more than ever.


I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.


I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child’s death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.


I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.


I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.


I wish you wouldn’t expect me “not to think about it” or to “be happy”. Neither will happen for a very long time so don’t frustrate yourself.


I don’t want to have a “pity party,” but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.


I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.


When I say, “I’m doing okay,” I wish you could understand that I don’t feel okay and that I struggle daily.


I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I’m having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I’m quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.


Your advice to “take one day at a time” is excellent. I wish you could understand that I’m doing good to handle it all at an hour at a time.


I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.


I wish very much that you could understand – understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.

 

Jackson’s photo session September 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 10:27 pm
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Usually people pay me to take pictures of them. But I paid this one $5 to let me photograph him. I think it was money well spent.


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There are more over at my business blog.

 

Calvin and Hobbes

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Jack found this Calvin and Hobbes book at Phillip’s parent’s house the other night. It belonged to Phillip when he was a kid. Jack fell in love with it. I think it’s really cool that his daddy can sit and read him the same silly comics that he used to read to himself. Except Phillip wasn’t really reading to Jackson. Jackson was reading them to Phillip.


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Mikey Speak September 25, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 12:10 am
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Mikey is talking now. Quite a bit, really. He sings song, quotes movies, mimics us all the time. But to someone other than his immediate family, it still doesn’t sound like much more than baby babble. That’s because Mikey can’t (won’t?) say lots of different consonant sounds. That combined with the fact that he likes to end almost every word with the “s” sound, makes understanding him challenging.


The consonant sounds that he will make regularly are b-h-m-p-s-sh. He occasionally will throw something else in there but not very often. So he’s 2 1/2 and he’s never said “daddy.” We don’t really know at this time why he seems unable to make more sounds. We’re trying not to worry too much about it. But if you can imagine trying to speak using only those consonant sounds with vowel sounds, you can imagine what it sounds like when Mikey speaks. We know that in time he will learn to speak but he will likely be in speech therapy for years. It’s frustrating for him and leads to many of his meltdowns. I know the thoughts are in his head, the same thoughts that other 2 and 3 year olds have and are able to articulate. But Mikey can’t tell us what he’s thinking a lot of the time. He can’t tell us that he’s scared. He can’t tell us that he wants me to draw a purple dragon for him. He can’t tell me that he wants to watch Veggie Tales and not Elmo. He can’t tell me that he really wants to wear his striped shirt today. He can’t tell me wants to play playdough. We spend lots of time reading his body language in addition to his verbal language to figure out what he’s saying. I’ve gotten pretty good at it but even I don’t know what he’s trying to tell me all the time.


Mikey substitutes the consonants that he can say for those that he can’t. And for some reason he sometimes substitutes other consonant sounds for things he can say. But he’s always very consistent with how he says them. Here are some examples.


boos = juice
miss = milk
pees = pink and please but they sound a little different and he usually signs “please” when he says that
moos = more, usually accompanied by the sign
bwue = blue
eeya = green
ice bees = icream but ice really sounds more like ass that ice
pus = cup
poos = school and computer
har = car
bass = bath
hoss = hot and socks
ho = cold He says with a very exaggerated long o and shivers when he says it
es = yes
pays = play
pois = park
oh = no, again with the exaggerated long o and a sour expression
hoos = shoes
os = on and off, yes this can get confusing which is why we have to read body language


So like if Mikey wants to say that he wants to take his shoes and socks off he would say “Hoos a hoss oss.” Or if Mikey wants more hot milk, he would say “Moos hoss miss, pees.” Makes perfect sense to me but you would probably be like…huh? We’re just used to it for the most part. If we understand what he’s saying we always say it back to him correctly and not make a big deal out of it. When we understand him, his whole body smiles. If we just really can’t get it, we’ll tell him to show us and he’ll take our hand and take us to what he’s talking about. Sometimes every day I’ll try to focus on a certain sound for a little while and try to get him to say it. I’ll put his hands on my face while I make the “k” sound. Sometimes he’ll try really hard and sometimes he refuses to participate at all.


Right now his speech doesn’t seem to bother him a whole lot. But I know as he gets older and kids (and adults) begin to try to have actual conversations with him more, it’s going to get harder on him. He was asked this evening by a little girl what his name is. She asked him three times. He didn’t say anything. He’s never said his name.


Sometimes I hurt for him. And sometimes I hurt with him. He will learn. In his way and in his time.

 

Fresco! September 23, 2009

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So yesterday and today Jackson and I have been reading about the people who lived in Crete during 3000 BC to 1400 BC. The culture of these people is called Minoan so these folks are either called Cretans or Minoans. Anyway, they made these large pieces of art called frescoes. According to my very limited understanding, it’s a way of painting plaster while it’s still wet so the paint absorbs into the wet plaster. So today we made a couple. If you are so inclined, you can read more about frescoes here. So to make the fish Jack first painted the inside of the fish mold with watercolor paints. Then while it was still wet we poured in the wet plaster of paris. The fish is technically probably not a fresco because we didn’t actually paint the wet plaster. But I thought it would look cool so that’s what we did. Because of the mess, I didn’t get my camera out until we were done pouring plaster. We made quite a mess.


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After they were done Jack decided to give the fish to Granny and the other thing(?) to Nana. BTW, it’s really hard to paint something that looks like anything on wet plaster.

 

Struck September 22, 2009

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Sometimes I am so struck by his beauty that I have to stop whatever I’m doing and grab the camera. He’s changing so fast. He’s growing up right before my eyes. Oh someday I will wish he were this age again. I will wish that for just a few minutes I could have him just this way. It’s strange how my time with him can feel so arduous and so fleeting at the same time.


Mikey, please just stay little. Don’t grow up on me. I’m trying so hard to cherish you.


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