Mondays come around so frequently these days.
Are you embarrassed because your dog peed on a guest? Do you take the fashion advice of your four year old? Or maybe you secretly like The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Well, that’s okay because it’s Not Me! Monday.
I’m not working on Not Me! Monday while my unsupervised children are in the bathtub. Jackson’s not in charge….promise!!
I didn’t carry my kicking and screaming child in from the car this afternoon while neighbors watched in horror. He didn’t throw a shoe into the yard. I didn’t then have to cancel his speech therapy appointment because he was too far gone and his screaming doesn’t really count as “speech” as far as I’m concerned. Nope, that didn’t happen. But if it had, the child would have just completely stopped screaming after about 30 minutes and then would have been in a great mood!
Phillip and I don’t have arbitrary rules like… “You can only say “shut up” if you say it like Yosemite Sam or our next door neighbor. Otherwise, don’t say “shut up” at all. And NEVER say it around other homeschooled kids no matter what.” OR “If the dog eats your food, then you have to stop playing video games.” And we’re not trying to come up with more strange rules to implement for the rest of our kids’ growing up years. Rules like “You can only say a cuss word if you’re holding a piece of bologna on your bare belly.” (Phillip can take credit for that one, btw.) Stuff like that. We’re not doing that. We take this parenting thing very seriously. And you should too.
What’s bigger a pint or a quart? Well, anyway, I didn’t eat an entire container of the smaller of those two of lime sherbet the other day. Nope, not me! I understand metric measuring and I don’t gorge on junk. Is it even metric?? Man, I don’t even know.
I didn’t spend the majority of the day today in pajama pants with dog paw prints on them. Nope, not me!
I don’t call my children “Boy!” That’s kind of redneck, right? Yeah, I don’t do that. And I definitely don’t do it when I’m goofing off on the computer and they’re making lots of racket and I don’t know who the real culprit is and I’m too lazy to go check so I just say “Boy!!!” in hopes that it will scare the pants off of the one who knows he’s misbehaving. Yeah, I don’t do that either.
I’m not waiting until the very last moment to get my sales tax form filled out and mailed in. No way! I don’t procrastinate like that. I don’t wait until the day it has to be postmarked to get it mailed.
Oh, there must be more. There is always more. I really need to keep a daily journal of my inadequacies so I can more accurately share them with you.