I don’t think it’s much of a secret to any of you who know us that I still want to adopt again and Phillip doesn’t. And this isn’t meant to be an “airing our dirty laundry” post. I hope it doesn’t seem that way. Neither of us is right or wrong. We’re just not on the same page about it. And that’s weird for us because we’re pretty much on the same page about most things. We both have different ideas about what we want our life to look like. And this one thing is a pretty big thing.
When I was a little girl, from as early as I can remember, I wanted to be a mommy. I had lots of Cabbabe Patch Kids…eight I think. All colors. And a lot of times I wouldn’t just play with one or two of them at a time. I would set them all out, get them all dressed, feed them, talk to them, carry several of them around at a time. I just always wanted to be a mommy.
When I was in college one of my professors asked me where I saw myself in ten years. She was wanting a corporate answer. I told her that my goal was to be at home with my kids and that I was only getting this degree as a backup plan and that I hoped I never had to use it. Not the answer she wanted. I didn’t care because I just always wanted to be a mommy.
And now I am a mommy and I know it’s what I was made for. Am I perfect at it? No way, not even close. But I’m good at it and I want to get better at it. I don’t want twelve kids. I don’t know how many kids I think I would want. I don’t know if just one more would be “enough” or not. And I think that’s part of what Phillip is afraid of, that I would always want more. That we would never NOT have little kids in the house if it were up to me. And honestly, that may be true if I completely had my way. All I know is that we have a lot to give and there are lots of kids who need to be adopted. That’s all I know. I don’t really worry about car seats and sleeping arrangements and college.
So I hope at some point in the near future one of us has a change of heart. And it would certainly make things a lot easier, cleaner, and more convenient if that someone was me. Guess we’ll see.