Jenny Hintze

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams." – Willy Wonka

Change December 3, 2010

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If we get these two girls, I can’t quite grasp yet how much our lives are going to change. I also can’t quite grasp yet how much I’m going to have to change. I know it will take me some time for me to become the mom I’ll have to be. Moms of two kids can get away with doing things quite differently than moms of four. And I know I won’t automatically become a mom of four overnight. It will be a transformation that will take place over many months….years?

Part of me believes I will rise to the occasion. Is that confidence? Arrogance? Stupidity? But part of me believes there is no way we can do this. I can’t possibly handle all that I’ll have to handle if we adopt two more kids. I’m not organized enough. I’m not patient enough. Can we financially support four kids? Is our marriage strong enough? How will I keep my business going? What about homeschooling? All these fears and questions run through my mind daily.

But…this is the thing that I know. If we are meant to adopt these kids, God will change us. He will make us who we need to be. He will transform us. I have no doubt about that. Will it happen overnight? No way. I believe that God has already seen the family we will become. He sees our whole lives. He sees the future of these girls. He knows the people they will become. He knows it all. And right now, that’s about all that I know. But that’s enough.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.


Sacred September 24, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 8:42 am
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This song is playing now as I clean the pantry. Had to stop and share it with you.

“Sacred” by Caedmon’s Call from their “Overdressed” CD

This house is a good mess
it’s the proof of life
no way would I trade jobs
but it don’t pay overtime

I’ll get to the laundry
I don’t know when
I’m saying a prayer tonight
cause tomorrow it starts again

could it be that everything is sacred?
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

the children are sleeping
but they’re running through my mind
the sun makes them happy
and the music makes them unwind

my cup runneth over
and I worry about the stain
teach me to run to You
like they run to me for every little thing

when I forget to drink from you
I can feel the banks harden
Lord, make me like a stream
to feed the garden

wake up, little sleeper
the Lord, God Almighty
made your Mama keeper
so rise and shine,rise and shine
rise and shine cause

everything is sacred
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

This will be my prayer….”Teach me to run to You
like they run to me for every little thing.”


Away August 10, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 11:34 pm

How long have I been away? I have no idea but I have a feeling you’ve been counting the days. You’ve written, you’ve called, you’ve whispered, you’ve been silent.

And I’ve just stayed away.

When I’ve seen your letters or heard your words sometimes I’ve rolled my eyes. Sometimes I’ve smiled. Sometimes maybe I thought about crying a little but probably didn’t. Sometimes I ran even further away. Sometimes I call you like you’re familiar to me. I wonder if my attempts anger or please you. I don’t like being away. But it seems easier than walking the long way back.

And so I’ve stayed away.

I think I’m going to try to come back now. I know you’re waiting.

…”But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20


2 years ago (2 days ago) – Our adoption story April 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 12:01 pm
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So I’m two days behind on this post. Two years ago (2 days ago) the baby “M” who was placed with us at birth became our forever son. Two years ago (2 days ago) we went to the Brazoria County Court House and, literally surrounded by loving friends and family, we rose our right hands and pledged to be Mikey’s forever family. Two years ago (2 days ago) our VERY long and painful journey to have a second child was complete. Two years ago (2 days ago) was one of the top three joy filled days of my life. Our friend Maury took pictures for us that day.

I really wish I could describe what it feels like to adopt a child. It’s just something that, unless you’ve experienced it yourself, you just really can’t understand. It’s like trying to describe what it feels like to be a parent to someone who is not a parent. They can kind of get it but not completely. It’s a miraculous thing to have your biological child placed in your arms and feel instant and complete love. It’s a miracle to know that you would gladly give anything, including your own life, for that child. Becoming a parent is just miraculous. But feeling those same feelings for a child that is in no way biologically related to you is just even more miraculous. It’s just really hard to grasp unless you’ve experienced it first hand.

Many of you who follow this blog have been around from the beginning of our journey to Mikey. But some of your weren’t and you may have wondered. And honestly, it’s a really long story with lots of twists and turns, some of which I’m not going to get into right now.

I was interested in adoption long before we started the process to adopt. I always watched the adoption shows on TLC and even if I had already seen a certain episode I would watch it again. In a span of just under 2 years Phillip and I went through a very dark time where we lost 4 pregnancies. Although we could have possibly conceived and carried another biological child to term, it became painfully evident that it was just not very likely. After those four losses we took medical steps to prevent any further pregnancies. With each loss we lost a little bit of ourselves. We could not emotionally or physically handle it anymore.

When we accepted that we would not be able to have any more biological children, adoption was a natural next step for me. But Phillip did not feel the same way. I’m not writing this to pick on Phillip at all. I’m writing this so you can see how God can change a heart. I decided I would go to an information seminar put on by Family Life Ministries about adoption. I decided that I would go with out without Phillip. My good friend Andrea said she would go with me so I didn’t have to go alone. But when I told Phillip that I was going to this he decided to support me (humor me) and be there with me. I really need you to realize that at this time Phillip did not think that adoption was the right thing for us. Within less than an hour of being at this seminar we both were weeping and felt very strongly that this was not only something that we wanted to do but something we had to do. And that is not because we were brainwashed or bombarded by adoption propaganda. It’s because we saw stories and videos of families just like us embrace their child for the first time. We saw the instant love on their faces. It was truly amazing.

At first we considered international adoption but ultimately decided to foster to adopt through Child Protective Services. After about 6 months of waiting for “the call” it came on January 11th 2007 at about 3:00 that afternoon. By 5:30 that same day we had a newborn baby boy in our home. Let me rephrases that. We had one of the most beautiful babies we had ever laid eyes on in our home. But he wasn’t legally ours until he was 15 months old. That 15 months was filled with a lot of uncertainty and there were days I was scared to death we would lose him.

Two years ago (2 days ago) Mikey became legally what we knew in our hearts since the day he was placed in our home. He legally became our son. We changed his name to Micah Benjamin Hintze. Micah means “Who is like God?” Who but God could orchestrate such a beautiful story? Who but God could lift us out of the depths of despair that we were in and give us hope? Who but God could take this helpless baby who had not a soul in the world and give him a vast group of not only family but friends who loved him unconditionally? Who but God? His first name reminds us that there is none like God. His middle name, Benjamin, means “son of my right hand” or “favored son.” Mikey is not a second choice. He is not an afterthought. He is not a consolation prize. He is in every way our son just as Jackson is in every way our son. And while neither of our boys is “the favorite” we always want Mikey to know that he is ours. God intended him to be ours from before he was even conceived. His name is not just a cool name. His name tells a piece of his story. And when he is old enough to begin to understand it, we will tell him the rich story of how he came to be who he is.

If you have never thought about adoption, maybe you should consider it. If you think you could not love a child who is not yours biologically, maybe you should reconsider. I believe there are children in our country and internationally that God desires to place in the homes of loving parents. Adoption is not just for people like us who can’t have biological children. Adoption can be for anyone who will willingly open their hearts and minds to what God has for them. I’m not saying that everyone should adopt. Everyone should not adopt. But I do think that many more people should think about it, read about it, pray about it. I wish more people could feel what I feel when I wake up every morning to this face and know that he’s ours. He is our gift. We are his gift. We are each others’ promise that we are not forgotten by the One who set our lives in motion.


Love. Complete. October 8, 2009

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I was scared to lift the blanket that covered his face the first time we met. A handsome young man named Brandon brought him to our house. I couldn’t help being surprised that they let a single young man deliver a baby but he was just as qualified as any other, I suppose. And I was scared to lift the blanket. Scared and excited and hopeful. Hopeful that the face I was about to look into was the face of our child but scared too that he was just a fill-in until our real child arrived. Secretly scared that he might have three eyes or two heads. Secretly scared that I could love no one like Jackson. And then we lifted the blanket on top of his carrier. I unbuckled the straps and lifted his tiny scrunched up body to my shoulder and fell in love. Completely in love.

And now as he sleeps in his bed, even more beautiful than the day we met, I stand in awe. A complete stranger became a piece of me. A piece of me that I felt was missing but never really knew. A complete stranger completed me. Completed us.

When I think of the pregnancies, I often think of them as one thing. One time in our lives. I like to sum them all up by simply referring to them as “the pregnancies.” It seems more pleasant that way. More easy to comprehend. We were a family of three, happy-go-lucky, and then “the pregnancies” happened. There was our life before “the pregnancies” and there has been life after them. It’s like this piece of pie that I sometimes just want to remove. Just take that little sliver out and nobody would ever know the difference. But in reality “the pregnancies” evolved me with each moment I lived them. Each drive to Houston. Each doctor visit. Each parking garage ticket paid. Each time cold gel was squeezed on my belly. Each heartbeat heard and each heartbeat not heard and every moment surrounding all of those other moments.

And each of those moments, whether triumphant or gruesome, brought me closer to him. To the one who sleeps in the next room, the one with the floppy hair and angel eyes. The one whose mother I was always supposed to be from before there was time.


It’s what daddies are for. October 6, 2009

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“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11


“I’m not going anywhere.” September 17, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 1:55 am
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I was asked this evening if I blogged during the time that led up to Mikey and during our adoption process with Mikey. And that question has just had me laying in bed thinking. I blogged through all of it but there have been things, thoughts, moments that I haven’t blogged about. You can’t document everything and even as honest as I am, there have been things that I haven’t shared for one reason or another.

For example there was a moment with Mikey that I never blogged about or even told anyone about except for Phillip and maybe our moms. There was a time when Mikey was about 2 months old that we were led to believe by his CPS worker that his biological mother might get him back. I blogged about my fear during that time. But there was a day right around that time that I was kneeling above Mikey talking to him as he lay there smiling at me and I was just so struck with fear that they were going to take him away from me. And our eyes locked and I felt him say to me “I’m not going anywhere.” It was a powerful moment and peace filled me and I just sat there and cried. There were fleeting moments after that I worried a little but for the most part I knew that he was mine and that he would stay. And he did.

And I never blogged about it because it just sounded a little too “out there.” I mean seriously, my 2 month old spoke to me?! Come on. But that’s what happened. I’ll never forget that moment as long as I live. And for the last 2 1/2 years I have believed that it was Mikey’s soul speaking to mine, and maybe it was. But what if it was actually the voice of God telling me that He wasn’t going anywhere? And not to fear because He was with me.

I read the post of a mother who recently lost her baby to SIDS and she asked how we know when God speaks to us. Like how do we know that we’re not just making it up or imagining it. And I certainly don’t know the answer to that. But I think God speaks to us all the time if we’ll just listen and not dismiss it as something else. I really don’t think I ever considered that that was actually God speaking to me until this evening. Over 2 years later. How many other times have I missed it? Do I even want to know?