Jenny Hintze

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams." – Willy Wonka

Not Me Monday! October 25, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 12:30 am

Oh how long has it been since I’ve purged my many failures to you lovely people? Too long…much too long. So, let’s get on with it, shall we?

I did NOT wash Jackson’s ipod touch. But even if I had, it would have been his fault, not mine. It’s not my job to check my kids’ pockets before I wash clothes. Oh wait…it is my job? Well, crap! Now you tell me. Anyway, it still works somehow. Go Apple!

I also did not at a wedding this weekend make a young lady feel awkward by asking her if I could take a picture of her haircut with my iphone to show my hairdresser only to realize that I took a video instead and then I didn’t make her feel even more awkward by dragging out the whole experience and asking her if I could try again. Nope, not me! I don’t get a kick out of putting people in awkward situations.

I also did NOT ask a priest if my husband was bothering him. Nor did I take a candid shot of that same priest eating and then say…”I got you!” No…again with the making people uncomfortable thing. I don’t do that. And…I’m not that dorky.

Moving on…

My toes don’t look like this.

Gross, right? Andrea, does that color look familiar?

And I didn’t tell the church organist that the bride had just previously been dipping snuff because why would I do that?! Seriously. But if I had, she would have known I was only joking…I think so anyway. One can’t be too sure about those kinds of things.

And I’m NOT currently eating a cupcake or ten while I stay up way too late editing, blogging, and planning this week of homeschool.

Nope, not me!


Not Me! Monday September 6, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 8:43 am

This will be quick. I gots things to do.

When we went camping last weekend I went down this awesome water slide about 7 times. It was great fun! I thoroughly enjoyed it.

But I did not, however, step over the edge at the end one time and completely bust my butt, back actually. Nope, not me! I’m graceful. Okay then when I was walking back up to do it again just after I didn’t fall I then did not hear two little boys talking about “that lady who fell.” No way because that didn’t even happen anyway. Then I most certainly DID NOT stop them before they said something I’d have to punch them in the mouth for by saying “Hey watch it! That was me!” I didn’t have a bruise on my upper left shoulder about three inches long. Not me.

Jack and I went to Moody Gardens on Friday. We had a pretty good time. I’ll post some picture eventually. But I didn’t spend $15 on two stupid precious little stuffed animals so that Jack could leave the bag sitting somewhere so that we could then spend about 45 minutes walking around the entire place trying to find it. Nope, not me! And I also didn’t get Jack to take this picture of me.

Because I’m way classier than that and that is just tacky and immature and in no way describes me. Promise.

One more thing and then I need to get some other stuff done.

My kids are not locked out on the patio right now playing with the water hose and screaming so loudly they’re probably disturbing our elderly neighbors. I never lock my kids on the patio. That’s awful and I wouldn’t do that.


Not Me! Monday (just barely) December 8, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 12:31 am

You thought I forgot, didn’t you? I didn’t. I’ve just been kinda busy. Okay so I’ve only got one thing this week because I really am busy.


This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

So I probably didn’t have a conversation with one of our church staff guys about the sexual content of James Brown music. I certainly didn’t say something like “We skip Sex Machine.” while standing in the children’s area of our church. Because of course we would skip Sex Machine. We only listen to Sandy Patty at our house and never ever jam out to James Brown (except Sex Machine). Promise.


Not Me! Monday November 30, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 1:27 am

Do you keep your house spotless at all times? Is your vehicle free of crackers or bits of paper or empty cups? Do all of your bath towels coordinate and fit perfectly in the cabinets? Is your liquid dish soap free of that goop that accumulates when you don’t wipe it off? Are all of your trashcans clean on the inside like they day they were purchased? Are your cookbooks alphabetized for goodness sake??? If this describes you, I might love you. Heck, I might even like you. But I’m sorry to say that this Not Me Monday post is not for you.

It’s for all of you who wipe your kids noses on the bottom of your shirt and then take it a step further by wearing that same shirt two days in a row just for spite. It’s for those of who couldn’t say when your office room fan was dusted if your life depended on it. It’s for those of you who despite your best efforts just keep forgetting to throw away that lettuce at the bottom of your fridge that’s from last week’s (or was that two weeks ago?) taco dinner! IT’S FOR YOU!! Liberate yourselves! Do not be ashamed to admit your “flaws.”


This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I don’t keep waiting for someone else to clean the bathroom. It hasn’t gotten just a tiny bit untidy! If we were to have unexpected company I wouldn’t be freaking out trying to clean it at lighting speed. Promise. The four of us keep our ONE ugly bathroom spotless at all times. There’s never somebody’s underwear on the floor at any given moment and/or trash that needs to go out and/or toothpaste stuck to the sink and/or any empty toilet paper roll or two on the window sill. We don’t do that. You come over any time and pee to your hearts content! (But you should really call at least 30 minutes in advance.)

Speaking of underwear, I didn’t clean up some spilled (intentionally poured out) orange juice today with a random pair of underwear that just happened to be laying on the floor nearby. I didn’t do that first of all because my son doesn’t intentionally pour orange juice on the floor because he likes the way it looks. And my boys also DO NOT leave pairs of underwears here and there around the house. That’s probably unsanitary. We’re very sanitary.

I didn’t spend too much time writing our return address on 50 Christmas card envelopes only to receive our ANNUAL name and address stickers from State Farm the very next day. Why would I address envelopes like 2 weeks before I even intend to mail them knowing that we always get those stickers? Why would I do that? I don’t know but knowing me it probably wasn’t to avoid doing something less appealing than writing our names and address 50 times! IN CURSIVE! Not me!

I DID NOT end up being way too gassy on Thanksgiving day! No way! Okay, enough on that subject.

Okay well, I’m sure there’s probably NOT more but it’s 12:30 a.m. and I need to get to bed. So this is probably the earliest Not Me! Monday post I’ve done so far. But it is technically Monday.


Not me! Monday November 23, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 10:12 pm

So I’m feeling like the Not Me! Monday fun is winding down. I haven’t done it for the last two weeks and I’m not that excited about doing it right now. So that’s probably a good indication that I’m officially bored with it. I guess we’ll see.

NotMeMondayButtonV6copyAnyhoo…this blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

A week or two ago while we were at the park I wasn’t playing on my iphone instead of watching my kids. I am an extremely attentive parent at all times! Anyway, hypothetically speaking…let’s say Mikey somehow got his knees strangely stuck between the bars around the top of the slide. Let’s say that he started crying but my brain didn’t even notice because…well…he kind of whines and cries off and on all day long. Anyway, I wasn’t so busy playing on my iphone that I didn’t hear him and a little girl didn’t have to say “Um excuse me but I think your little boy is crying.” I didn’t say “Oh I’m sure he’s fine.” Meanwhile he was not completely stuck in the bars and I didn’t have to finally yank him out and leave bruises on either side of his knees. Yeah, those scenarios might happen to other mothers but NOT ME! Promise.

On Sunday evening Mikey didn’t have ice cream and cake for dinner. Nope. Tonight he did not have the entire family’s left over pizza crusts for dinner. Again with the nope.

Jack and I didn’t just decide to take a nap today for an hour while we probably should have been reading about Ancient Greece or who knows what. Um… didn’t happen that way at all.

I didn’t call a driver a “stupid idiot” today with my children in the car. Jack didn’t defend the (stupid idiot) driver by saying that he looked “tired and beat up.” I didn’t then say, “Yeah well, he’s still an idiot.” Uh….what? No way! Not this quaint homeschooling Jesus loving happily married mother of two. You’ve got me mixed up with some psycho mom I’m pretty sure.

Oh my gosh!! I almost forgot…I DID NOT take Mikey into Sonshine Books, our local Christian bookstore wearing his “Handsome Little Devil” t-shirt!! HA!! HA!! How awesome would that have been though had I done that? Pretty awesome, right? I thought so.

Last but not least, I did not just watch Dexter and am now not blogging while I should be working on photos which will in turn cause me to stay up much too much too late again and will not require another unscheduled middle of the day nap tomorrow.

Alrighty then, take it easy. I wish for you a good week of not only happily noticing your many inadequacies but pointing them out to others so they can laugh at you. It really is fun.


Not Me! Monday (just barely!) October 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 10:19 pm

NotMeMondayButtonV6copyThis blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Dear Monday,
You are my favorite day of the week. You cause me to stop and reflect and evaluate my actions during the week. You don’t judge me. You’re not a friend or an enemy. You just are Monday. Others hate you but not me, Monday. Nope, not me.
Yours truly,

I’ve decided to dedicate a series of haikus to Monday.

Please go to the store
Oops, can you go again please
Lets have a cookie

I so need this lens
Never mind, I don’t need it
I will return it

I need some money
Look, Jackson has eight dollars
I will pay him back

Brought order to church
Left photo order at church
Don’t tell my client

Can I have your gum?
I told a girl that I had
stinky monkey breath

Lost my credit card
and my driver’s license too
I found one again


Not Me! Monday October 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — jhintze @ 6:05 pm

Mondays come around so frequently these days.

Are you embarrassed because your dog peed on a guest? Do you take the fashion advice of your four year old? Or maybe you secretly like The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Well, that’s okay because it’s Not Me! Monday.

NotMeMondayButtonV6copyThis blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I’m not working on Not Me! Monday while my unsupervised children are in the bathtub. Jackson’s not in charge….promise!!

Moving on…

I didn’t carry my kicking and screaming child in from the car this afternoon while neighbors watched in horror. He didn’t throw a shoe into the yard. I didn’t then have to cancel his speech therapy appointment because he was too far gone and his screaming doesn’t really count as “speech” as far as I’m concerned. Nope, that didn’t happen. But if it had, the child would have just completely stopped screaming after about 30 minutes and then would have been in a great mood!

Phillip and I don’t have arbitrary rules like… “You can only say “shut up” if you say it like Yosemite Sam or our next door neighbor. Otherwise, don’t say “shut up” at all. And NEVER say it around other homeschooled kids no matter what.” OR “If the dog eats your food, then you have to stop playing video games.” And we’re not trying to come up with more strange rules to implement for the rest of our kids’ growing up years. Rules like “You can only say a cuss word if you’re holding a piece of bologna on your bare belly.” (Phillip can take credit for that one, btw.) Stuff like that. We’re not doing that. We take this parenting thing very seriously. And you should too.

What’s bigger a pint or a quart? Well, anyway, I didn’t eat an entire container of the smaller of those two of lime sherbet the other day. Nope, not me! I understand metric measuring and I don’t gorge on junk. Is it even metric?? Man, I don’t even know.

I didn’t spend the majority of the day today in pajama pants with dog paw prints on them. Nope, not me!

I don’t call my children “Boy!” That’s kind of redneck, right? Yeah, I don’t do that. And I definitely don’t do it when I’m goofing off on the computer and they’re making lots of racket and I don’t know who the real culprit is and I’m too lazy to go check so I just say “Boy!!!” in hopes that it will scare the pants off of the one who knows he’s misbehaving. Yeah, I don’t do that either.

I’m not waiting until the very last moment to get my sales tax form filled out and mailed in. No way! I don’t procrastinate like that. I don’t wait until the day it has to be postmarked to get it mailed.

Oh, there must be more. There is always more. I really need to keep a daily journal of my inadequacies so I can more accurately share them with you.